Update...

So I figured I should update on the whole pregnancy thing.. (especially for you Jess! Love ya girl!)

Keith and I have officially started seeing a fertility specialist! Last week was our first appointment and I can't even begin to tell you how much better I feel. *whew* For once I feel like a doctor has put forth the effort into finding some answers, and put us on the right path to get preggo! Next month were trying IUI for the first time (insemination) paired with Clomid and the FSH shot Keith will give me the night before (yikes!) so we will see where that takes us. We still haven't found the reason of why it's not happening, and we are running out of tests for them to do! Everything has came back normal, which drives me absolutely INSANE! I wish I knew what was in the way!

Hopefully 2011 will be our year. I'm feeling positive!

Been awhile.. I'm still alive!

So... I fail at blogging. It's official!!!

There are so many things that I need to get off of my chest, because I feel it building up inside of me and that I'm about to explode.

I'm still sitting here wondering why were not pregnant. It's been one whole year of disappointment, and I have to admit, this has sent me into a very dark place into my life. My one and only best friend here in Florida is having her baby in 3 weeks, and seeing her today made me realize I have major problems. My jealousy has taken over my life. It's something I never thought I ever thought I was capable of, but it has happened. All I want in life is to be a mom. I've stared into my husband's eyes for over 9 years now, daydreaming about having a child with him and how exciting having a little jr. would be. I'm now in the stage of feeling like it will never happen for us. Maybe were just one of those really unfortunate couples who will never get to enjoy that aspect of life.  I honestly cry every time I see a new pregnancy announcement on Facebook. What is wrong with me? I should be grateful that I have an amazing life and family, but honestly, I have a huge hole in my heart.

I don't know where we will be at a year from now, but I'm hoping we will get there. I try to stay positive, but I have my moments. To whoever shall read this, I'm sorry! LOL! Sometimes it just feels good to get it out in the open, even if it is complete strangers.

Holy sheep Batman !

What the Deuce??


It's saturday and we haven't done a damn thing all day! I feel incredibly lazy... and Fat..... I haven't been to a gym in months... MONTHS!!!! Why do I do this to myself? I love to eat bad yet I hate working out.. I lost 20 pounds 3 years ago (have I mentioned I use to be a bagel bites, pizza, and mountain dew slut? well I was, it wasn't pretty!!! )and I know I am slowly gaining that back... UGHHHHH...


Thats it.

No more homemade biscuits!! (which by the way, i just learned how to make this morning. Holy goodness gracious, I can't believe how simple that was!) Well, maybe I will still make those once a month, LOL!

And no more ice cream. After this tub of cookies and cream is gone of course! ;)


Off the subject of my weight. I took a pregnancy test this morning and it was a big fat NEGATIVE.. I'm convinced I'm out of the game this month. But for some reason it really didn't bother me!!! Last night I got to thinking that maybe we should take a few months off of TTC because the last thing we want is to be dealing with me being 9 months preggo and moving across the country!! So we shall me.. dun dun DUNNN!!!

L.O.V.E.

Hello gorgeous!

Well, it's Friday. Which means I have made it through another crappy week and it's time to enjoy the weekend! Even though we don't have any plans, I'm just happy to have 2 days with nothing to do. Time to eat and get fat!

Well, right now I'm on my progesterone medicine which SUCKS... I guess it's not that bad but I really hope I don't have to go through this again and hopefully will have positive results this month! I'm so ready to be a mom, I am ready to do anything to make this happen for us! I'm so worried the longer it takes for this to happen the harder it will be for Keith not to be deployed while I'm pregnant. In May he goes back to sea duty and I am petrified that he will deploy right away, which is a big possibility.. I don't want him to miss out on anything!! So I will just keep my fingers crossed and remember that this is suppose to happen. There is a plan in store for us and everything always works out.

Have a great weekend everyone!

where's the good news??

School sucks.

I just finished my english homework for the week and I'm tickled pink to have 12 hours off until my next homework assignment is released.. procrastination is AWESOME! It's something I do quite well. :)

Today Keith and I drove down to the beach to work on our "tans".. We were out there for about 45 minutes before we realized that the heat and humidity was NOT worth it! But luckily on the way back to our car we found $20 on the ground!! So of course, we went and got our favorite pizza and had some tasty gelato.. mmm!!

Lately I've noticed we have been discussing more about what we want to do with our lives after the navy.. All of our family lives in KC, and sometimes I feel like were just missing out on everything there. I hate missing out on watching my niece and nephew grow up. I hate not being around my grandparents while they are getting older. BUT honestly, I don't think I would be happy. I don't exactly know what would make me happy! I love moving to a new place every 3 years. In fact I wouldn't want it any other way. I love having new places to explore and new people to meet. But maybe this is just a phase. Maybe I will get burnt out on it and one day just throw in the towel and say "lets go home." Guess it's just something time will tell.

so many changes....

I want to travel... NO... I need to travel! As Keith and I were sitting on Clearwater beach last night watching the sunset, we started talking about our past Europe trip we took together.. So many great memories were made in those 3 weeks we got to spend just having fun and making fools of ourselves, I just wish we could take that trip all over again. Between TTC stress, college, advancement test, picking orders SOON!, and family drama,  we both just feel this weight on our shoulders we just can't seem to get rid of. Although I am beyond excited to move next May, I know wherever we go won't be as great as where were stationed now. I'm preparing myself for the idea we might be moving to Virginia, seeing that most of the choices available now are there. Hopefully we can buy a house when we move there, I'm so tired of being a renter... I told Keith I just want to live somewhere that I can paint the walls, and make a beautiful nursery for our "future" child.. Nothing is as special as owning your own home, and I can't wait to experience that! 

Monday Fun Day!

Ugh, I just got done deep cleaning our apartment.. My hands feel so damn dry, it's driving me nuts! But at least my house doesn't reek of men anymore.. I love when our place smells like fresh flowers.  If only it could smell like fresh brownies.. mmmm!
So, I guess I should update about this whole trying to conceive thing, since it pretty much takes over your life after awhile. Last month my cycle ended up being 42 days long, so my doctor decided to put me on Clomid along with estrogen and progesterone.. I'm not quite sure how I feel about this since my gut tells me I don't need it, but my doctor told me to just trust him. He has been the most compassionate doctor I've ever had, so I feel like I'm in good hands. Maybe this will finally be our month.. Just maybe!!

I'm back!

wow, it has been awhile. oops!
I can't sit here and say that I have been too busy to update, because honestly I haven't been. LOL! I guess i just tend to forget about it, as I knew I would because I always do that. But I'm back!
We leave in 4 days to go back home to kansas City (road trip style!). I can't wait to see my family and to just get away with all of the stress I've been dealing with here in Florida! My life has turned into homework, and trying to conceive craziness. Plus, Keith has been working SO much lately, he's already on his 7th work day in a row and still has 3 more to go, yikes! But it doesn't bother me, it's better than deployments I guess! 
Anywho, today is Sunday so I'm sitting here on the couch doing my typical Sunday routine.. Lots of lovin from my bulldog Meatball, Bridezillas, and junk food. Go Sundays! 

The Monday blues

I hate when Monday morning shows up and it's back to reality! Our weekend ended up being one of those unexpected amazing weekends. Saturday we got invited our friends time share on the beach so we headed over there and chilled out by the pool that was right on the water. I got burnt to a crisp which is my own fault for forgetting my sunscreen! Then yesterday Keith took me shopping and we had lunch with a friend at the Cheesecake factory. We haven't been there in years so I was extremely excited to have their amazing food once again! They definitely didn't let me down. I got a new dress that is so adorable for my husband's 25th birthday party this upcoming weekend.. I can't believe he's already 25, where does time go?


Today is my girlfriends first sonogram of her little baby. I'm so excited for her, I'm sitting here patiently by my phone waiting for her to call me with the results!

That's about it for my ramblings for the day. Hope everyone has a fantastic Monday!

My Pity Post

Aunt Flow decided to come visit me today. It's so depressing every time she decides to show up, but all I can do is hope for the next month for the magic to happen. Who knew trying to get pregnant is such a hard thing to accomplish?! I spent 7 years on birth control pills to avoid it, thinking that when I missed 1 pill, I could be pregnant. PLEASE! FAT CHANCE! I think the worst thing is going month to month thinking, is there something wrong with me? Him? What if we can't get pregnant? I try to stay positive, but I just feel so alone at this.  My family and friends just say it will happen, but I feel like they just say that because they don't know what else to say. And how would they understand? They all got knocked up from breathing!!! But next month I am determined to not think about it at all, and just enjoy my husband without the stress. He's such an amazing man, have I mentioned that? Well, he is. I'm one of those extremely lucky girls who has a husband with a heart of gold.

Do the Friday Dance!

So, if your happening to read my blog, you will soon figure out my passion (my family would say addiction) to food. I don't eat a lot, hence the fact why I am not the 800 pounds I should be :) But I love love love food. Today I just happened to try a new recipe out for caramel brownies. They smell absolutely amazing! I'm not going to try any though (well, maybe later) since their for a party tomorrow and I only made one batch because of the $. And tonight, I'm so excited!! Keith is taking me to get my favorite food ever; goat cheese coal oven pizza.. Oh my goodness, it's heaven!


Enough with my fat kid talk! 2 weeks from now I have 2 college classes starting. I'm so nervous since I haven't been to school since 2004, but it's about time for me to get serious and get a degree. I feel lost sometimes about what I want to do for the rest of my life since my closest friends have spent tons of money on their educations and are unhappy. I don't want that to happen! Sometimes I think I would make a good teacher, and then other times I want to do the polar opposite and maybe become a financial advisor, since I love budgets/numbers (oober nerdy, I know) Maybe I should just go to culinary school?


Ugh, too many decisions. 

Is it Friday yet?

Never thought I would say this, but I have a new passion in life.

Planting my own herbs!

Who knew this was so easy? I wish I would have known this before hand so i would quit spending so much money on basil at the grocery store, but I guess I was just too young to care. I started growing basil last month and they are already beautiful! I'm already thinking of what new dishes I can whip up so we can enjoy it as much as we can.

Meatball (our bulldog) and I also enjoyed some Florida sun today. He LOVES sunbathing so I always grab him a towel so he can enjoy it with me. He is my number one best friend, I never knew I would love a dog so much but he has kept me sane through 2 deployments and whenever I'm having a bad day, he is always there. I remember one time having a an absolute meltdown in the middle of our living room, and Meatball could sense that something was wrong. So being the sweetheart that he is, he came over and sat in my lap, then started kissing my cheek. I immediately started laughing and that's when I realized that I just couldn't live without that stinker.

Babies! Babies! Babies!

I guess I'm not really good about keeping my blog updated! I need to remember to do this everyday! Brush my teeth, comb my hair, w.r.i.t.e i.n b.l.o.g!

Nothing new has been going on this week really. Keith and I have been talking about having a child a lot lately, it's something we have both dreamed about ever since we were first got married almost 6 years ago. We always put it off because we wanted to travel, and be kind of selfish first before we commit to something we weren't sure we were ready for. But since November, I'm proud to say we have been trying for our first baby. As luck would have it, nothing has happened so far, but were really trying to stay positive. That's easier said than done though! (It doesn't help when my best friend just found out she was pregnant 4 weeks ago after 1 month of trying! It's hard not feeling jealous!) I have this gut feeling it's going to happen soon though *crossing finger*, so all I can do is just wait wait wait and pray!

A day in Florida

My day started out great! I had the chance to sleep in with Keith this morning, so we had some much needed cuddling time that we don't get to do very often! Then he left for work, while I went to my Doctor's appointment. It seems that's all I have done lately, is go to the doctor's! I've just had this constant menstrual type of pain since August and so far, nobody can figure out why. My doctor is thinking it has something to do with my lower back which makes sense because I always have back pain. At first I thought it could be endometriosis, but that was ruled out after many tests were turning out to be "normal". Oh well, I'm trying to keep my head up!

First Blog!

I guess I should start things off by introducing myself before I start blogging about everyday stuff! So here it goes! I'm 23 years old and I'm originally from Lenexa, Kansas (suburbs, not the boonies!). When I was 15 years old, I fell in love with a boy in my afternoon spanish class. He was a grade higher than me and we had never talked before, but boy I was head over heels in love with him! Word spread around very fast throughout our high school that I had a crush on him, so one day he came up to me in the hallway and asked me for my phone number and I was BEYOND excited! Well, that was almost 8 and 1/2 years ago, and I'm proud to say that cute boy is now my husband, my hero!

We were married on July 9, 2004 in Kansas City, Missouri. Yes, if you do the math I was only 18 and he was 19! We were young, but we were head over heels in love. (I know, typical saying, but our hearts were in the right place) Luckily we both had very supportive parents who gave us our dream wedding and honeymoon (Cancun baby!) Shortly after we were married, my husband left for the Navy. We were stationed in Everett, Washington for 3 years and now were at our second duty station here in Tampa, Florida (moving again in 1 year!). With 2 deployments done and over with, I'm proud to say we are stronger than ever. Although we don't have any children yet, we do have an English bulldog who is our pride and joy, Mr. Meatball!

So, that was just a little snippet of my life now. I can't wait to start blogging!