Tuesday!!!

Positive Ovulation test this morning? YES PLEASE!

Car insurance just got cut in half after we called USAA and got it switched from Florida to Virginia. YES PLEASE!

Drinks tonight with my best girlfriend? YES PLEASE!

What an awesome Tuesday and it's not even 9am! Our first time trying after my surgery. Here goes nothing!! Now I just hope my husband comes home from work horny today! Haha!

Just waiting...

Man, I feel like I haven't updated in forever! I wish I could say it was because we had a kick-ass weekend filled with lots of fun activities, but eh, I would be lying. We went out on a double date Friday night but then spent the rest of the weekend inside watching movies. It was a nice break from the hectic few weeks we've had! I guess I just don't have a lot to blog about right now since were kind of in a transitional phase in our lives. Were patiently waiting to move, patiently waiting for my next cycle to show up, patiently waiting to get paid so we have money to do fun things again.... Were just spending our days being bored at home. But hey, that's ok right? At least we have our health! well, somewhat :)

I'm an oreo addict..

Why do oreos have to be so magically delicious? Ever since my surgery last week, I have been on the cookie diet. I'm not kidding! I have been through a box of Keebler Elf Fudge cookies, and a box of Double Stuffed Oreos. I have never in my life ate as many cookies as I have in the past week! My husband and I both don't have any self control when it comes to junk food, so as long as we don't have it in the house, were ok.. BUT, I just can't resist lately! I think it's because they secretly help me heal. Yep, that's it. They help me heal!!!

 I've been through a ton of mixed emotions ever since my post-op appointment yesterday. I had my stitches removed, and then we had a sit down talk with my doctor to look at the photos and discuss the next step in our baby journey. My doctor pretty much came out and said "Were the adhesions on your ovaries the reason you haven't been getting pregnant? Quite possibly, but we won't know for sure. Only time will tell." Craptastic. I know he doesn't want to give false hope that "YES! YOU WILL GET PREGNANT NOW!"  I guess I was just hoping for that push of confidence that I needed. But damnit, he's right.. I don't know what god has in store for us, but I have to have faith that it will happen soon. And if not, well.. Mr. Meatball will just have to get use to wearing a baby bonnet!

shopping spree anyone?

Well. I might have gone a little crazy. I spent almost $1,000 on new things for our new place in VA. Ooops! I say it was a well needed shopping spree (my husband might say otherwise!), since we never buy things for our house. So here's some thing's I have purchased:

Z GALLERIE 100% SILK DRAPES. ORIGINALLY $100 A PANEL, ON SALE FOR $49

FOUND THIS HORSE PAINTING AT HOME GOODS. I LOVE WHITE HORSES! 

8'x10' AREA RUG, OVERSTOCK

X's 4! ON SALE, BUY ONE: GET ONE FOR A PENNY! 

OVERSTOCK.COM, $220 AFTER COUPONS! 

and we got more area rug which I can't find a picture of, but it's for the dining room. It is amazingly soft and beautiful! I can't wait to move in! Here's a picture of our future living room (just imagine all of their crappy stuff gone!) 

I wish I could buy more.. Maybe in a few months! :) 

Happy Saturday everyone!

What a gorgeous day it is here in Florida! Too bad it just looks pretty through our window, outside is a whole different story! It feels like a wet sauna and no matter how nice your hair and make-up looks, it's destroyed by the end of the day. Oh humidity, how I love thee.

Day 5 after surgery and I'm starting to feel like my normal self again! Actually, I feel better than I did before.. I guess I never really paid any attention to the permanent 'heaviness' I felt down in my pelvic area, but now that it's gone I can tell a dramatic difference! For the girls reading my blog who might be getting laparoscopy done (and I know there's a few of you out there), all I can say is, DO IT! The scars are barely noticeable and the recovery is really not that bad. Don't mind my bloated belly shot, but I figured I would show the small battle scars I got from this round of laparoscopy (you can't even see my incisions from the lap I had done 5 years ago). I have about a 1 inch cut on my left and right side (didn't show the right one because one of the stitches fell out, and well.. It's not pretty), my belly button has stitches in the inside of it, and then there's about 5 small holes surrounding it. It looks like I have the chicken pox! I'm not quite sure what the little holes are for, but I figured it was just the way they had to stitch the belly button back together. No big deal, right? I hope I can give a little comfort to the girls getting it done.

Day 3 post-op

And I'm feeling, *meh* I still feel bloated, tired, constipated, and sore.. But that's to be expected I guess. I can't wait until I'm my normal self again!

I did want to take a second and say how very lucky and fortunate I am for.....
 #1- Having such a caring doctor. He held my hand all the way into the surgical room and I remember the last thing I heard before I went to sleep was "Don't worry, I will be by your side the whole time. I'll take good care of you."

#2- The fact I didn't lose any of my ovaries. I was petrified of waking up to bad news. Even in the midst of being knocked up on morphine, I could feel this sense of relief when my husband gave me the news that everything is great and *hopefully* working now.

#3- Having such a wonderful support system. My husband has helped me out with everything, including vacuuming!  And my mom cooked all day yesterday so we would have enough meals for the week, just so I wouldn't have to worry about it. How freaking sweet? Okay, no more mom posts, I promise. haha!

I haven't felt this amazing in a long time, and it just feels awesome to know that we could actually be on the right path to having a baby now. FINALLY! Please god let this be the end of this journey for us!!!

Update..

Thank you so much for all of your support! I'm feeling great, which is awesome since I'm only 2 days past surgery. My stitches still hurt (especially the belly button) but other than that, the soreness has already disappeared, and I'm not throwing up anymore! couldn't have asked for a better recovery. :)

And the verdict is...

Both of my ovaries were stuck, twisted up, and had adhesions on them.. My doctor cleaned it all out and put something on them (no idea what) to keep the adhesions from growing back! I  am now in his words "textbook perfect". :) I'm not in a lot of pain, just droggy and nauseated. I keep puking every time I stand up! But all is well. We finally have the answer!!!

3:45 am..

And I just finished my 2 enemas (scratch that off the list of things NOT to do in my life), day 3 of clear liquid fluids only, drank a whole bottle of magnesium citrate yesterday (clung to the toilet), wiped my body down with the hospital wipes last night (had a really bad case of the itches!), wiped myself down this morning.. and we are officially on our way to the hospital!! Hopefully we will get some answers today!!

What an awful day :(

So I guess all posts got deleted yesterday? GAH! Why does everything shutdown the day you really need it?!

Yesterday was an awful day for us to say the least! I went in thinking the pre-op appointment for my surgery on Monday would be a piece of cake, but I left there flooded in tears and once again lost all hope in having a baby naturally. My doctor decided to do one last ultrasound to make sure everything is a-ok, and much to my surprise, it wasn't. I have a cyst growing on my left ovary that's bigger than my uterus in size. I was in complete shock!  I haven't had any cysts in years, but the moment we are getting ready for surgery, BAM! Not only do I have one, I have on the size of Memphis!!! My doctor left the decision up to me on whether or not to go forth with the surgery because of the risks, and I started bawling not knowing what to do. I was heartbroken, disappointed, scared, and confused. Especially since I told my husband to stay at work since I figured the appointment would just be lots of lab work and boring paperwork! So I sat there in the room with my doctor and I knew I was going to have to make this decision on my own.  I was mortified! My doctor explained to me that if they mess with the cyst, that I could lose a lot of ovarian tissue which would pretty much make my ovary non usable. He mentioned giving it a few months to see if it goes away, and my heart just sank to the ground. That was my very first time bawling in front of my doctor! I told him my heart was set on the surgery, so that's where we left off. My surgery is at 7:30am Monday morning, and I am a nervous wreck. Girls, I'm actually scared to death. I just can't seem to catch a break. How do I know if I made the right decision?

Tomorrow I start my bowel prep, so tonight we are going out for pizza and ice cream. My last hoorah before the 'crappy' weekend begins!!

emotions, emotions!

Aunt flo showed up this morning in full force. So we are now moving on to cycle #19!! Ugggghhhhh... Will this ever end? It certainly doesn't feel like it!

I was actually praying to god the other night asking that if I wasn't meant to be pregnant this cycle, to please let my period come a little earlier because of my surgery on Monday.. Apparently you can't get the hysteroscopy done if your on your period? Well, I guess god works in funny ways and I actually started 2 days earlier than I thought I would. A 29 day cycle! Hey, I'll take it! So now I should be in the clear for Monday, and everything should go directly as planned. My mother will be flying in on Saturday to be with me which I am so excited about! I am a complete Mom's girl and her presence alone (especially since she's a nurse, and a great cook *wink*) just puts me at ease. Also, tomorrow night I am attending another one of RESOLVE's infertility support group meetings, and I'm actually taking one of my husband's co-workers with me who apparently has been struggling as well! Yes, I have a very open husband who will talk to anyone and everyone about our infertility journey, especially at work! 

Thank you all for all of the lovely comments! Have I mentioned how much I adore each and every one of you? Your blogs are so inspiring and helps me realize that most of the stuff, especially emotions that I go through is so common! Your strength is what keeps me going

booo!

Well, I tested this morning and 12DPO and it was a big BFN. No tears will be shed this month from this girl! Of course I'm upset, especially since we did try this month, but I feel like there's no emotions left inside of me anymore. I know these tests are going to be negative before I even take them, so what's the point? I don't even know why I do tests anymore!!!

Oh, and Happy Mother's day to all of the mom's, moms-to-be, want to be moms, moms with angels, and moms to furbabies! It should be a day to celebrate women in general. :) I for one refuse to be upset on this day. I'm going to take this holiday and spoil the heck out of my mom who deserves a day of royal treatment! She has been with me since day one of this infertility roller coaster and I can't thank her enough for her guidance and support. She's even flying here to Tampa next weekend to be with me for my surgery! What a woman she is!!

grrr......

I have no pity for pregnant girls. There, I said it!! Well, let me re-word that statement. I have no pity for pregnant girls who have never experienced infertility.

I just got off the phone with my sister (who in case you didn't know, is currently 29 weeks pregnant with her second kid) to tell me how terribly upset she is that she *might* have a stretch mark appearing on her stomach. I thought she was going to start crying! It took every ounce of strength in me to refrain from slamming my cell phone against the ground in complete rage, but instead I stayed calm and told her everything was going to be ok. FML!!!

I'm currently 10 DPO, which means that my hormones will be doing quite the number on me in the next few days. Be prepared for many rants to come! I promise they will be coming!

So Sorry!

I have not left the blogmosphere, I promise! My husband's brother has been in town for quite awhile now, so it's been a whirlwind of a week to say the least! Adventure island water park, deep sea fishing, BBQ'ing at the pool, seafood dinners, etc... phew! I am so exhausted! But I will admit, it was a well deserved break for the both of us. After the disappointment from last month's 3rd failed IUI attempt, we were both emotionally drained from the stress of it all.

The 2ww for this 'natural' cycle has been a piece of cake compared to last month's cycle. I'm currently 9DPO and I have barely even thought about testing. I'm so happy his brother came here right in time to distract me from the miserable wait! But this month I will be tickled pink once my period starts, because you know what? My surgery is 11 days away! Ahhh! It's finally here. :) I've been waiting for this moment since last July when I first starting questioning my doctor's on whether or not I should be getting this surgery done once again. I am so happy that in a few weeks we might have some answers, and this whole 'unexplained infertility' can finally be laid to rest. *cross your fingers for good news!*

One thing I have noticed after being off of all of those fertility medicine's is that my nipples have been so unbelievably sore since the day after ovulation. It hurts to wear a bra, and my husband is definitely NOT allowed to touch them! Is that normal? I was wondering if anyone else has experienced that, since I have never had them hurt this bad before! But other than that, I am now focused on losing the 15 pounds of weight I have put on these last few months. My pants barely fit me anymore, so it's time to get serious about getting healthy again. Plus, I live in Florida, I practically wear a bikini everyday!