updates.. updates.. updates!

Man, I am really going to regret not keeping up with my blog years from now. Life is going by so fast right now that I forget to stop and take the time to document everything.
Okay, so 4 months later (I think it's been 4 months *yikes!*) here is the newest updates.

The boys are almost 18 months old. Holy smokes. Seriously, I had no idea parenthood could go so slow and so fast at the same time. They are little balls of energy that N.E.V.E.R stop! But watching them learn new things left and right is just down right amazing. Kids are here to teach us to appreciate every little thing on this earth, even the little things that we take for granted every day. Even watching my sons react to switching off the light switch every night is just the most adorable thing ever in my eyes! But before I sound like parenthood is this amazing, beautiful thing 100% of the time, let me just say that it is very very VERY tiring. Sometimes I don't even know how in the hell I survive by the end of each day! The tantrums have started, and when people tell you that tantrums will test your patience in every humanly way possible, they are not kidding! I really thought I was the most patient person before children. Yep, well, that is completely untrue. I am trying my best to not lose my temper on these little souls who give me a kiss one second and then hit and scratch me the next, but so far I am not doing that great. So yes, timeouts in the cribs have happened a lot lately! Phew! We will survive. We will survive.

Let's see what else. Well, we lost our precious bulldog Meatball two months ago after a very quick spreading cancer. We found out he had Lymphoma on Christmas Eve and he was gone only 4 weeks later. The day I had to go put him down (my husband is still deployed so he was unable to be there) was by far the hardest day of my life. I will never forget that day. I drove him by Mcdonald's one last time for his favorite meal, a cheeseburger, but he refused to eat it. I showed up at the Veterinarian's office where the receptionist lead me into their back room which almost looked like a grandma's living room. We sat there on their sofa while they came in and asked me if I wanted to pay for the procedure before hand instead of dealing with it after, and then they proceeded to hand me the papers. I refused to sign. I couldn't do it. I waited until the Veterinarian's came in to give their opinions if I was doing the right thing, and their opinion was that I was. He was too far gone. She asked me if I wanted to be present during the procedure, But I just couldn't. I didn't want to witness it. So I gave him my final kisses and hugs and decided to walk to my car to call my husband, and that's when I had the first major meltdown of my life. I cried so hard that I couldn't get any words out. I just couldn't even fathom that my precious baby was taking his last few breaths at that very moment and I wasn't there. I hung up the phone and called my dad who had told us prior that Meatball could be buried on his property next to my old family dogs, so 10 minutes later my dad showed up and took care of the dirty work for me. I followed my dad back to his house and sat at his kitchen table as he dug his grave, and 20 minutes later my dad told me he was ready. He asked if I wanted to see Meatball one last time before he was covered, and I found the strength within me to say yes. My god did he look so peaceful. He finally looked pain free and I am so happy I decided to have that closure. I buried his favorite toy in between his arms, and I just sat there and stroked his head for what felt like forever. My dad and I were both crying, discussing how dogs just touch so much of our lives and teach us so much about life. I will never forget the 7 years I had with that dog, as he was the best companion I could have ever asked for.

I snapped this photo of him right before we headed in to the Vet's office. :(

And just so I don't leave this post with such a sad ending, I will give some more positive updates. 

I am now 25 weeks along with a baby GIRL!!!!! (More about this on a later post!)

OH! And we got orders to STUTTGART GERMANY! We leave in October. :) Lord help us. The boys will be 2 and the baby will be 3 months during that long long flight. Not to forget that the moving process will start right after the baby is born. HA! Yes, we are crazy!!! 

M.I.A.

Okay, so I have been gone for a long time.. Way too long!! (Isn't this how every single posts of mine starts out?) The sad thing is, I have probably 10-15 posts that are just sitting in my saved box yet I have just never gotten around to finish them. DOH!

Okay, here are my life updates.

1) The twins are now 13 months old. HOLY CRAP! They are SO much fun at this age! They both walk like pros now, which means my house is in total chaos 99% of the time. But my goodness, they are little comedians! I find myself laughing all day long.

2) My husband is deployed. Again. He left about 3 weeks ago and won't be back until April. This time around is much easier than the newborn phase, but I'm not going to lie.. It. is. exhausting! I have no help here in VA at all, just a few girlfriends who hang out with me a few days a week, but other than that, I am on my own! We do stay pretty busy and every day goes by so fast, but we miss him terribly. I'm hoping this great routine were in now keeps up and shore duty will be here before we know it.

3) And now for the big news... Well, here we go...

WE ARE EXPECTING #3, NATURALLY!! I am currently almost 7 weeks along.. I am still in complete and udder shock, as I have NEVER even had a positive pregnancy test outside of the IVF world. My husband was already deployed when I had realized my period was late, and I just kind of thought to myself  "Oh what the hell.. For old times sake! Just take one for fun!" To say my body went into shock would be an understatement. For the first time in my life, I was completely speechless and motionless. I sat there and stared at the test for a good 20 minutes before I started to realize what had just happened. And then the fear kicked in. How in the hell am I going to handle 3 kids under 2? How is my husband going to handle the news? (which by the way, I had to wait 3 days to hear from him and he is completely overjoyed!) But the more I think about it, the more excited I am. Sure, times will be crazy for awhile, but what a MAJOR blessing! We always said we wanted a third child, so why not have them all close in age? And it is the perfect timing, because this little one is due at the end of June and my husband start shore duty the very next month. AHHH! 3 entire years with my husband!!

Oh, and I guess I should also mention that we applied for order overseas.. Yes, call us crazy! Choice #1 is Germany, Choice #2 is England. We should know in the next month or two if we were lucky enough to be chosen!

So there you have it. A short snippet to what is going on in my life. I hope to find time to update more often!

I'm back!!

I'm so sorry for my absence! Life has been extremely busy to say the least.  Let me update you all on what has been going on. 

We are officially moved out of my mom's house! We drove 1200 miles from Kansas to Virginia Beach with 3 adults, 2 babies, a bulldog, and pulled a Uhaul Trailer. To my surprise, the trip actually went really well! The boys did great all the way up until the last day. They were ready to be out of their car seats! That's when everyone started to lose their mind. 2 crying babies and east coast traffic is not what I call a good time! 

We made it to Virginia Beach where the house we are renting is fabulous! I love every bit of it. The layout is perfect, the size is perfect, and the view of the lake behind our house is amazing! (Mind you, we have never even had a backyard before!) The boys have their own playroom which I have a view of from the kitchen so I can watch and talk to the boys while I do the dishes. It definitely helps me get things accomplished! 

Which reminds me, being a "temporary" parent on my own to twins is no joke! I am wiped by 7pm every night. But I will say that I actually really love it. It makes me feel like if I can accomplish this, I can do anything in this world that I set my mind on! I didn't really have that confidence before. So maybe this is just what I need in life, a kick in the ass! 

But this deployment is almost over ladies and gentleman! We still have a little bit over a month to go, but after a year of being apart, we are soooo close! I am dreaming of bbq's, family time, camping, having a warm body in bed.. Ahhh! I am so excited. I miss that man of mine!! 

Andrew is on the left, Everett is on the right..  

Andrew might just have an obsession with pears! 

say whaaaaaaa?

5 months!

I can't believe I just wrote that. Where did my little babies go? The first 5 months of their lives are gone, just like that! It's crazy to look back and know that at this exact time last year, I had just discovered I was pregnant for the very first time after a long and stressful road of infertility. It's kind of a weird thing to say, but I really do feel like IVF saved my life. These boys are all I have ever wanted, and yes, needed. I hope that everyone else who is still on the infertility bandwagon will know that it won't last forever. Babies will make it into your life, one way or another. Stay positive, stay focused, and fight for what you want..

Everett: My sweet crazy baby. You are just the funniest, most unique little soul I have ever come across. Your cute coo's have turned into screaming which makes everyone laugh and confused at the same time. You demand attention from anyone who will listen (including the nurse who couldn't get a word in today at your appointment because every time she tried to talk, you would yell at her) and you have the most sensitive soul. If Andrew cries, your happy self will cry along with him. You don't like loud noises, but you adore singing. Sometimes you will cry in your crib but will fall asleep the second I start singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" to you. You hug your little teddy bear tight to go to sleep, and you now hate pacifiers. You also hate your car seat which makes your mom's life a living hell at times. I just love how much you look like your daddy..

Andrew: You have the kindest, most sweetest personality. Last week you went from smiling every now and then to smiling ALL DAY long. You never stop smiling! You are just happy no matter what! You have learned how to "growl" and you do it the most when you are playing on your activity mat. You have mastered tummy time like a champ, and I couldn't be more thrilled to watch you flourish into a big boy. You love your milk and your one on one cuddle time. You love your car seat and will not make a peep the entire time you are in it, which I love you for!! You love to wake me up a lot at night, but I'm pretty sure that's just because you miss me (or the fact that you love your milk!) but hopefully you will be over that soon. I just adore your sweet chubby face!!

I just wish this age could last forever! 5 months is just way too fun.  My husband found out he is being extended by a few weeks so the boys will be almost 7 months old by the time he sees them again. I think it was easier for him to be away from us when the boys were just *blobs*, but now it kills him to see how fun and crazy they are. He will be in for quite an adventure when he gets home!

And p.s.- The boys and I will be hitting the road to move back to Virginia Beach as of this Tuesday! So expect some pictures from me next week of our new place. Daddy will be able to come home from this deployment and not have to lift a finger! I am so happy about that. Every minute we get of family time counts.. :)

Andrew is on the left, Everett on the right

It's Happening!

I'm finally at the point in motherhood where I feel like I can finally say,

I absolutely LOVE being a mother.  I am finally confident in my parenting abilities which is something I have been lacking since they were born. Now that the boys are a little older and hardly ever cry, I feel like I am connecting with them in a whole new way. My little Everett has made the habit of falling asleep to me singing "Somewhere over the Rainbow" to him every night, and it almost makes me cry to think about how one day, he will be a grown man and I am going to miss these sweet days. I just want to cherish every second of it!

The boys have been sleeping SO much better over the past few days. The 4 month sleep regression is no joke! I thought I was going to lose it there for awhile. I was just baffled at the fact they went from waking up once in a 12 hour period to 3+ times! But now they are back to 6:30-6:30 with one feed in between. Seriously, I could do the one bottle a night thing forever. (although I would be fine if they decided not to, LOL!) But I am just so happy that I can get the sleep I need to be the good parent those boys deserve! Now lets just hope it stays this way!

Two weeks from tomorrow, I am finally leaving to go back home to Virginia. We are setting up our new place which means I am so close to having a husband again! I look back and I honestly don't know how in the hell I have done all of this without a spouse. I can't wait to see what it is like to be a family! I know he may be overwhelmed at first, but is there anything better than two happy babies??

Andrew is on the left, Everett is on the right

Andrew

Everett

Parenthood.. sucks.. sometimes..

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

That does exist, right? Parents eventually do get to sleep at some point during parenthood, right? Anyone? I don't even care if it's not true. Lie to me and tell me it gets better. They do sleep longer than a few hours at a time. I need to hear it. SOMEONE!

So the boys have only slept through the night, twice. And let me tell you, every night when my head hits my pillow, I pray to god that it will happen again. That I will magically wake up and I will realize I just got 6-7 hours of sleep. But nope, within a few hours I am woken up by babbling/crying/screaming. You name it, they do it.

My sweet adorable Everett has learned how to get out of his swaddle. And ladies and gentleman, I take swaddling seriously! Blankets didn't work, so we moved on to Swaddle Me's. When those didn't work, we moved on to the "Miracle Blanket". I am still baffled at how in the heck that kid can bust out of that thing, but he can. And he will. So at 1am this morning, I wake up to the sweetest babbling noises and at that moment, I knew once again he was out of his swaddle. Sure enough, that kid was all over the place enjoying his freedom. I re-swaddled him, he screamed, I fed him, he went back to sleep, and wouldn't you know, I was woken up again at 4:45am this morning to a babbling happy baby. I know what you're thinking, just let him blabble! I wish it ended there. But this sweet babbling eventually wakes up Andrew, which leads to crying.

Don't let this face fool you. Nothing but trouble!! 

So I feel like I am just stuck. I want to sleep train the boys, but I am a softy. I keep repeating to myself, "I don't care. Let them figure it out on their own" but I always cave. I think part of it is because I live with my mom, and I feel awful thinking it's my fault that no one is getting sleep in this house because of my kids. So I am always running in there to get them back to sleep as quickly as possible.

But I am moving out of here in 29 days. I will have my own house again, which means more opportunity to get these boys on track. I hate seeing them so tired in the mornings, and trust me, they don't like dealing with a tired momma!

football time!!! 

Speaking of tired, this deployment is dragging.. Seriously, I. AM. DONE with it.  I need my husband back. I crave being touched and kissed every day. Sometimes I wonder if motherhood is much tougher than I expected because I don't have someone to turn to physically and mentally. Of course I have my mothers help every once in awhile, but there's just that calming factor only a spouse can bring. If I am having a bad moment, his hugs bring me back to earth. His terrible jokes can turn a bad moment into a good one. It sucks missing out on that. But what can you do. All I can do is try to survive, and so far I am. Maybe not gracefully, but I am. 

And on that note, I can hear my little one's waking up from their 30 minute cat nap.. Only 9 hours to go until bedtime!

3 and 1/2 months old!

So, my kids slept through the night. And before you want to punch me, let me explain.

We moved the boys out of my room. I couldn't take it anymore! They were waking me up almost every hour, and waking each other up as well (they were sharing a crib) so we finally decided that the boys were now old enough to not only move to their own room, but their own cribs. And just like that, they slept from 6:30pm-2:30am, I fed them, and they went back to sleep until 7ish.

Well, the next night the boys made it until 3am until they needed to eat. Let me tell you, I had never been so excited in my entire life! I was finally getting some rest that I hadn't had in months! The very next day rolls around, and the boys never woke up. I woke up at 5:30 am jumping for joy, until I realized my mom had forgotten to open their nursery door before bed. Holy shit. Were they just sitting in there crying for hours and I never came? Yep, true panic set in.

So there you have it, my boys slept through the night. That's my memory of the very first time it happened. I still don't know if they really did or if I honestly couldn't hear them. Ever since that night, they still wake up for a bottle anywhere between 1am and 4:30am so I'm thinking the worst. Oh well, they survived! But as a twin mom who needs all of the energy she can get, this is awesome! I'll take it.

As for an update on the boys, they are doing fantastic! We are still a little touch and go on daily naps around here but as you can see, I actually have time to myself throughout the day. Yesterday however, I left the boys with my mom while I went and dropped off my mini-van at the auto repair shop (got rear-ended. LOVELY!) she somehow got them off schedule and let one of the boys take a nap while the other one stayed up. Now, if you belong to twin-ville, you know this f^&#'s up your entire day. You are always juggling one baby, which equals one exhausted and pissed off momma by the end of the day! So let me say that I was beyond thankful when they finally went to bed last night. *Phew*!

They almost weight 14 pounds a piece now. Holy moly, I can't believe it. They coo non-stop now and are constantly kicking and flailing their arms.. I love it. I love seeing their little personalities emerge!

They last about 1 minute in tummy time before the screaming begins. haha! 

Mr. Everett

Andrew