I'm having one of those evenings where I just flat out miss my husband terribly. We have been living apart for a total of 4 months now. :(
I just miss everything about him. His touch, his smile, the amazing affect he has to instantly make me the happiest woman on the planet just by being in my presence. I just miss it all. And it's hard. I always try to be this strong wife who can deal with the pain of her husband being away, but underneath it all, I am a complete mess.
The hardest thing is that my husband distances himself from me during deployments, and we have been having a tough time communicating lately. It's crazy how well we get along when were physically together but when were apart, it's almost impossible to even carry on a 5 minute conversation. You would think after all of the deployments we have been through, we would have figured out a system by now, but nope. It never gets easier. If anything, the older I get, the more I need him in my life and the harder military life becomes.
Now that we have 2 children, I just feel like I can't do this lifestyle anymore. I stare at my boys every day just thinking about how awful it must be for him to not be here for any of it. Instead he gets to look at them in pictures, and if were lucky, a 5 minute skype session a few times a week. I don't even know how I would be able to make it through the day knowing that I was thousand's of miles apart from my family and missing out on so much.
But at the same time, I am SO thankful to have a husband that is so selfless, that he would do this kind of job to support his family. He talks all of the time about how happy he is that we can save some money for the boy's college fund and plan all of these fun vacations. I see how he gives up his life to support his family and it warms my heart to know that he puts us first. He really does do all of this for us, and I couldn't be more proud to say that I have a husband with a heart of gold.
Okay, enough mushy husband talk. I've already listened to the song "Broken" by Seether a million times today, as my husband says he listens to that song all of the time as it reminds him of us. It brings tears to my eyes within the 30 seconds! Maybe I just need to take a nice bath, drink a beer, and call it a night! BUT.. not without an update:
Both boys are now over 8 pounds! They are quickly gaining fat rolls and have almost grown out of their newborn clothes. Andrew loves pacifiers/swings/stroking his hair/bath time but cries when he gets his diaper changed. Overall, he's a pretty easy going fella! Everett loves his Rock N Play Sleeper/bath time/SWADDLING! and hates pacifiers and swings. He is also a pretty easy going fella, but he still grunts like crazy! We are finally mastering the night time routine. Both boys get a bath, lotioned with massage, bottle, swaddled, and then they both sleep together in the Nap Nanny (highly recommend.. My boys immediately fall asleep once their heads hit it!). They sleep from about 7:00-11:00, feed, 11:30-2:30, feed, 3:00-6:00, feed, 6:00-9:00. feed. I know sooner or later they will be able to go longer than that, but I am just SOOO happy they both sleep between the feeds! So I still get some good chunks of sleep in the meantime. Hey, I will take whatever I can get!
