I am now 9 days past our 3rd IUI, and this is the exact moment in my cycle that sadness and anger consumes me. When I start realizing I don't have any symptoms and I start seeing those damn negative pregnancy tests, my body just wants to shut down and I want to escape from it all. I can't handle the tremendous amount of disappointment and at any moment I will end up on the floor in the fetal position screaming and crying my eyes out like a 2 year old who just got their sucker taken away from them. *sigh* I just don't know what I'm going to do if we have to face another failure. (besides heading to the nearest mexican restaurant so I can drown my sorrows in a pitcher of margaritas!)
The next step in our journey will be laparascopy. I've been trying to talk to my doctor into doing this surgery since last summer, but it seems it was never on their "important things to do" list until now. I owe the fertility clinic close to $1500 for these past 3 IUI's and I don't feel like paying a dollar more until we can figure out why it's not happening. Unexplained infertility is not an option for me. If I'm infertile, I am not going to stop until we figure out why.
But I'm hoping my instinct of being pregnant this month is right (it comes and goes, thanks to those wonderful hormones). I had a dream I got a positive pregnancy test the other night, and then last night I dreamed I had a baby. It was amazing!!
Fingers crossed that this time it works!
ReplyDeleteThursday can't come soon enough for either of us! I totally understand everything you wrote above... I'm praying for both of us!?!?!
ReplyDeleteHey girl! I'm loving your blog and how we have so much in common. It's so nice to find someone I can really relate to :-) Military and all! Hehe we are near Newport News, VA what about you? & I REALLY hope you get your BFP this month!
ReplyDeleteI so know how you're feeling. The TWW is an absolute roller coaster. It's too long to stick with just one emotion. You're getting close to your answer though, and I really really hope your instincts are right!
ReplyDeleteI'm finally tired of trying and not succeeding on our own that we are now seeking help. I hope that it works for both of us. Fingers crossed and sticky baby dust to you. It's the worst feeling when that negitive sign appears. I am with you though, I refuse to except that I have unexplained infertility. I'm willing to bully the doctor's to get what I want. Head up, it will happen one way or another.
ReplyDelete