Feeling a little down today..

Man, do I hate being a woman sometimes! These end of the month, hormone roller coasters are just so hard to manage! I'm upset one minute, pissed off the next, and just tired of TTC all together. I'm currently 12DPO and as crazy as it sounds, I haven't tested. Nor do I want to test. I have already convinced myself that I am not pregnant this time around as I have no symptoms, nothing to give me reason that it actually could of happened this month. It sucks. How am I ever suppose to become pregnant if I count myself out of the game like this every month? I just keep thinking the next cycle is going to come and go, and then the next, and then the next, and so on.. That positive will never be for me. Or at least that's how my mind thinks on this stupid hormone roller coaster! Also, ever since my surgery, I have been feeling even worse about everything. I keep thinking that if I don't get pregnant in the next 6 months, what are we left with then. We have had almost every test done under the sun. We feel like I have been 'fixed' and that the problem has been solved. So what else is left? It scares me to think about that. I'm trying really hard to stay positive but it's so hard sometimes. *sigh* I guess my positivity will show back up after my period comes and I'm in the *hopeful* 2 week wait.