I never in a million years thought pregnancy could be so hard.
I still can't figure out how to handle everything at this point. I went from spending years thinking I would never have kids, to expecting TWO babies at once and I feel SOO overwhelmed. Last night at dinner I blew up on my husband in a restaurant, crying hysterically as I told him that I am so tired of feeling depressed and sad. He asked me if there was anything he could do, and I told him no. I know it is killing him that he just can't "fix" my problems. I told him his 80 hour a week training which doesn't end until August mixed with my extreme fatigue and sickness has been overwhelming in this past week. I have no one to help take care of the house or help take care of my dog as I just want to lay in bed all day. And to think that I'm going to be having these babies alone without him by my side tears me up in side. I know we won't be able to be a family again until April 2013 and I just can't stop thinking about how am I going to survive this next year. I hope I am strong enough to do this all on my own.
Tomorrow my mom comes into town and I am praying for everything to turn around with the help of her company and guidance. My mom is kind of like the "emotional whisperer", she would make a killing at being a therapist. Almost anybody and everybody in my life goes to my mom for support and guidance, as she knows exactly what to say and how to make any situation a little better. I haven't seen her since she was here with us during our IVF process, so I'm very excited to see her again and hoping for that extra boost. Lord knows I need it right now! The last thing I want to do is live in depression during what should be the most exciting time in my life. We have decided this will be our one and only pregnancy (unless it's 2 girls) so I need to get my shit together. Something needs to change. So she is coming here to pick me up and we are driving back to Kansas City for a few weeks to see my entire family.
A few weeks with my family feels like absolute heaven right now. I know seeing my nieces and nephews will remind me again that everything will be ok, and babies aren't as scary as they seem in my head lately.
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You are strong enough and you will get through this! I have faith in you. Glad you're gonna get some time with you family. That will definitely help.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you are going through hell right now. It is totally normal to be feeling sad, depressed, worried, scared, exhausted, etc. I'm so sorry you're going through this! Thank God for your Mom -- she sounds like an angel. I'm scared enough about having twins, but I do not have the stress of your hubby being gone for so long. Have you thought about seeing a therapist to help you through this time? I don't know what I'd do without mine. Hang in there, you're almost out of the 1st Tri and you should be feeling tons better soon. HUGS!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry sweetie. I am sure you are feeling so overwhelmed. I was actually reading an article last week about how depressed women can get during pregnancy. I pray that God gives you peace and that your mother and family can help get you through this tough time. But, I know how strong you are and I know you will battle through. I hope you have a great time visiting you family. Sometimes that is just what you need to put you in a better place.
ReplyDeleteyou are an amazingly strong woman. have a great time visiting your family!!!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed...I'm pregnant with one and that's hard. Sounds like you have a supportive family:-) be strong!
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