CD35 and I still have no idea if I even ovulated yet. This sucks!! I took a pregnancy test this morning just in case a *miracle* could of happened, but sure enough, a nice BFN was staring me in the face. Normally I don't do pregnancy tests because of the amount of anger and frustration that consumes me after knowing once again that my body has failed me, but I needed to settle my head.
I think Keith and I are officially going to take some time off from TTC. Honestly I can see the amount of bitterness my he has towards all other pregnant people and it's saddens me. Last night I told him that one of the girls from our high school had just announced she was pregnant with a girl and my husband goes "Awesome, tell her congrats and that she's the 270th person to pass us on the pregnancy wagon!". ~insert heartbreak here~ My husband is NEVER like this. I have never seen him act this angry and bitter! He can't be happy for anyone anymore. He even told one of our guys friends that if he gets his soon-to-be-wife pregnant before us, we can't be friends with him anymore. Our friend took it as a joke, but I don't think my Keith was joking. I tried to explain to him that we have to remain positive and hopeful and that our time is coming, but honestly it goes through one ear and out of the other with him. I'm not quite sure if anything will ever change his perspective on all of this. *sigh*
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Watching our husbands go through this is so hard. Harder than what I'm feeling. I want to protect him from it all sometimes, but it's impossible! When Gregg was going through a hard time, I showed him a few blogs written by guys (http://www.iwanttobeadaddy.blogspot.com/), showed him the Circle + Bloom Program for Men (yes, it exists) and we even started taking yoga together. Also, we have infertility free weekends, where we don't mention anything related to infertility. It's so refreshing...
ReplyDeleteI hope your body figures things out soon...
Aww that's so sad. I hate when I see what kind of impact infertility has on my husband. We were at a friends and this girl said something about "you don't understand because you don't have kids" or something and he replied back "yea you know our situation but thanks again for reminding me" or something along those lines! I was so heartbroken to hear him actually say that! Makes you feel 87438743 times worst :( I think maybe a break will be good for you both! It's needed sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI'm here via Amanda's blog and wanted to say that my husband is the same as your husband is now too. I think it is harder for men, because we have people to talk to things about and they don't. They get so angered and jaded because this isn't something they can just "fix" and they just want to make us happy. Sigh, it's a hard path!
ReplyDeleteMy husband on the otherhand always puts on a smile and says, 'thats great for them' in a cheerful and fully annoying voice. Just once I want him to make a snarky comment about it so I don't feel like the only one feeling that way.
ReplyDeleteI KNOW it bugs him, but he says he looks at it as he is happy they don't have to go through this. Blah...I guess it's a lose lose.