On to the next month..

Don't mind this post, as I am having a complete meltdown as I write this and I'm just throwing myself a pity party today.. This was my warning!

I was so excited to test this morning, so excited I even had my husband go into the bathroom to read the results of the test for me.. I noticed he was in there for more than a minute, so in my heart I knew it was negative and he didn't know how to tell me. Sure enough, it was.. My first thought was how could this be? everything this cycle went perfectly! I even had a dream last night that I was getting my first ultrasound! I am beyond exhausted of getting my hopes up and then being disappointed month after month. My sister, who is 14 weeks along, told me on the phone yesterday that she doesn't appreciate her pregnancies because of how easily it happens for her. I don't know if she understands how those words hurt my heart, even though i know that's not what she's trying to do. Someone on facebook even told me to quit taking pictures of my dog and have a child already! Really? Just dig that knife a little deeper!! I am surrounded by extremely fertile people, so the failure I feel when it's not happening to us feels escalated about 1000%.  I am just at a loss at why we were chosen to go through infertility. I feel like it's a punishment that never ends! I read this on a website this morning: women undergoing fertility treatments were found to have stress levels that were equal to or greater than women facing life-threatening illnesses. I can't stress enough how true this statement is. I have never in my life lost control of my emotions and felt so depressed month after month until we started realizing that there was a problem.


Thanks for reading my ramblings.. I'm just ready to go get a tub of Ben and Jerry's and call it a day.