I'm Struggling

The babies are finally taking a nap in their swings so I have a few minutes to write this before I have to get back to the daily grind.

Life has been a mixture of up's and down's, but unfortunately it's more downs than anything. I'm pretty much SOOO over this deployment that I don't even want to talk to my husband most of the time. That sounds so horrible and so unlike me, but I can't help but to hate that aspect of my life right now. We have been apart for 10 months  and we still have at least 3 to go. My husband's deployment is not like his last one's. He basically lives in a condo with two other dude's where they work 8 hours a day and then go about as they please. Which basically comes down to drinking and eating all you can eat steak dinners, going to the gym daily, and getting a full nights rest every f*$#ing night.  Mix that with a wife who has only had 6 hours of *interrupted* sleep over 2 days and you will find a not so pleasant woman.

I have no life. Yesterday was the first day I got out of the house in a long time and that was only to go get an estimate on my car after a lady smacked the back of it when she slid on the ice. I had to come home right after that and get back to these twin boys. .

I am a very VERY bitter woman these days. No one in my immediate family has any idea what I go through on a daily basis, and it kills me. For instance, my mom tells me yesterday that her and her husband are going out on a date tonight so they will be gone. When she sensed my jealousy  (especially since that man has more days off than anyone I have ever known) her response was "Well you should be happy for me! We never go on dates!" Ummm.. ok. He just had 3 entire weeks off for the holidays. He just went back to work last Thursday! And then she goes on to explain that they have only taken 2 vacations this year and that's just not normal for them. Sorry, I have no sympathy for you. I would kill for a single evening at home on the couch with my husband. But no, I get a few facebook messages a day from him and that's it. And then there is my dad who only calls me to tell me about the drama between him and his girlfriend, which comes down to *he doesn't get to see her more than a few times a week*. Oh and my sis, who tells me all of the time that she is stressed because her and her husband only get to see each other a few hours a day and that they never get to spend time together. Really? I feel as if people forget about what I am going through.

I'm just sick of it. I told my mom today that I will never move back to Kansas City ever again. Even though they are my family, I do not get the same kind of support that I do near a military base. My friends *GET IT*. I am now realizing after 8 years in the military community, that other military families is what I need during these tough times. Not the people who *think they know what we go through.*

And if you came to my blog because of my infertility, please don't get me wrong. These kids are the only thing that keep me going on a daily basis. They are a lot of hard work, but a lot of fun at the same time. It's just extremely hard when I am doing this on my own. And with that said, here are some recent pictures of my little hunks. Everett is the one on the left with the big cheesy smile while my sweet shy Andrew is on the right. They just turned 14 weeks today! Let the giggle's begin!