Money.
Where do I begin. Well, first of all, money is one of those things in life I absolutely love and I absolutely hate.
Lately I have been so stressed about money! I don't know if it's the realization that IVF is really happening or what, but it just blows my mind how money can just leave your bank account just like that. It sucks! Ever since we've been married, I've been a HUGE saver. I got some kind of weird high watching our bank account grow beyond what I had ever dreamed at such a young age. My parents always said they were proud of me for not ever having to borrow money like my siblings did, and I LOVED that. I was able to get us completely debt free (including car payments), enough money for a down payment on a house (which we haven't done... yet!), and enough money so I wouldn't have to work when we brought home our baby. Well, that was 2 years ago.
Last year, once we started the IUI treatments, something changed in my mind. I didn't feel like a woman anymore, which changed me inside and out. I wanted my husband to see me as the girliest girl possible so he could remember I was a woman (I know men don't think that way), so I started shopping. My wardrobe went from a pair of sneakers, jeans, and t-shirts: to heels, dresses, and just all the items that go along with being girly. I was at the mall at least 3 times a week. I now have a very cute wardrobe which Keith absolutely loves, but I still feel like something is missing. It's weird. The clothes obviously were not the problem.
So I guess I'm being honest when I say that infertility has changed me for the worse. I think I've been missing something deep down inside that has made me want to do everything possible to make me feel better about myself, and it's sort of getting me/us in trouble. We have been pulling from savings almost every month for the past 9 months, and I need to put a stop it. Keith has no idea how bad I have been as he could care less about money (he is way worse than me!) but its not right. I feel like I need help! Has anybody else been in the same situation? I'm kind of clueless on how to even get us back on the right path.. I know getting a job would be the most ideal way, but I don't think starting a job and putting that stress on my shoulders is the smarted thing to do weeks before IVF.. That idea will have to wait.. Uggghh!!!
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I am so sorry you going through this. I wish I had an ideal way to help you out. But to be honest, if it wasn't for DH, we would be broke! I have had MANY "retail therapy" sessions over the last year...like you trying to fill that void. I hope that you are able to find a way to help and also limit the stress to yourself and your DH. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI think all women going through IF find an 'outlet'. IF messes with our body image and shopping is an easy and quick fix. It gives us a bit of satisfaction that we can't get elsewhere (the real way we want it). We worry about how our husband perceive us-less womanly? So go buy some cute clothes so we feel a bit better, which in turns makes them think we look a bit better (it is proven!!! Confidence is sexy).
ReplyDeleteI used to be the same way. Save save save. Heard the same comments from my parents which caused my heart to break when they (forcefully) helped to pay for IVF. Our accounts dwindled prior to that with previous treatments, C being out of work etc.
I have started to pull back on my spending. I have also gotten good at returning things...then I get the 'fix' but get the money back. I have always been terrible about buyers remorse and not really liking things at home as much as at the store which has helped :)
what about making a budget if you don't want to get a job? I know my mac has a wonderful and easy program that does it all for you. Either way, don't' beat yourself up!
We are on a MAJOR budget right now. Still paying off IVF, me on disability, major bills all over the place. So I do my grocery/toiletry shopping at wal mart. I have a love/hate relationship with wal mart as its always crazy there but you cant beat the prices. And I've been buying a lot of wal mart (great value brand) stuff. Which I've noticed helps A LOT. I can get twice the amount of stuff at wal mart compared to what I would get at a regular grocery store.
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